"Collect Momens, Not Things"

Oh my heck.

China was absolutely incredible. It was a dream. I would say, for me, it was perfect. Not because it was easy, because it wasn’t. But being in China filled an emptiness in my heart that’s been there for a long time. It made me complete. It made me whole. In that sense of the word, China was perfect.

I vividly remember the feeling I had as we drove to the Great Wall of China and I saw it out the window for the first time. Tears filled my eyes as a warmth filled my heart. I can’t describe it. It was like a thirst had been quenched that I didn’t know existed. I had no idea how much my soul longed to see and experience things I had only seen in pictures.

I didn’t know that I wanted to see it until I saw it.

The world is so big. It is so beautiful. Growing up, so many people would say, “I want to travel. I want to see the world”. In my mind I would say, “If I get to see the world, cool, but I don’t need to see it”. Looks like I was wrong.

The culture is SO different. So so different. It was a hard adjustment. It seems like people are always in a hurry, personal space is not a thing, they don’t hold doors open for you, and I felt like I was going to die every time I got in a taxi or on the bus. Luckily, I learned a while ago that just because something is different it doesn’t mean it’s bad, it just means it’s different. Once I got used to the differences, I stopped being so offended at things that aren’t meant to be offensive.

It was a privilege to become acquainted with a lifestyle that is so different from my own. 

I didn’t realize how much I had acclimated to it until I was back in the states. I drove like a maniac at first. I would stand so close to people in line at the store that they would give me a weird look until I took a few steps back. I miss eating rice with every meal. I miss using chopsticks. I’m so used to holding my bowl up to my face and shoveling food into my mouth with my right arm that I look even worse than I did before when I eat. For Christmas my family and I went to the coast of Mexico and stayed in a villa with very few other people around. I was going crazy with how quiet it was. I had just left a city with over 22 million people in it. I just wanted to be around tons and tons of people.

As I sat in church at my new ward today it settled in that I’m no longer in Beijing. Everyone around me speaks English. People don’t want to take a picture with me everywhere I go (which was super fun by the way, it always made them so happy when we would take pictures with them). I have to go to school tomorrow. I don’t get to teach my sweet little students anymore. I don’t have my native coordinators and the other individuals involved with the program who took amazing care of us. I don’t live with the girls who got to know not just Sydney, but also weirdney, cuteney, and even sadney. I love them. So so so much.

And our students! Oh, our students. There are so many sweet little Chinese kids who work so hard to learn a language that is so foreign to them. Teaching them warmed my heart. Every time they would understand a new word or phrase all I could say was “Yes! Yes!! Good job!” And it made me so happy. I could just envision how much better their lives will be because they know English. And being a small part of that is something I’ll never forget.

Going to China was a gift from my Heavenly Father. I felt like Heavenly Father was putting out His hands and saying “Here, Sydney, I want you to be happy for a while. This is for you.” Like I said before, my happiness did not come because of the absence of challenges. I have depression and anxiety; my life will never be without challenges. But using these challenges to rely on the Savior makes me grow and change into the type of person Heavenly Father wants me to be, which really is the type of person I want to be.

 I learned a lot (and was reminded of a lot of things I already knew) while I was in China. We are all God’s children. He loves and cares for all of them. No matter where you go, Jesus Christ will always be your rock if you want Him to be. The Holy Ghost will comfort you, anywhere you live. Judging your worth based off of physical appearance is empty. I reallyyyy love rice. Serving others brings more joy than anything else. Having close friends makes me very very happy. Turning to God and not the world for approval on the way I’m living my life is the only way I can ever have peace. I will never be enough for the world, but I can be enough for the Lord. I will have an eternity to spend with the people I love who I will probably never see again in this life. Weaknesses are a blessing. And I love my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, more than anything else.

Again, I can’t describe what my time in China means to me. It ended up being so different from what I thought it would be, but I wouldn’t have had it any other way. God’s plan is perfect, because He is perfect, and He sees what I cannot see.

Just like I needed the Savior to adjust to China, I need the Savior to adjust back to living in Provo (going to BYU, being without my family, working, etc.) And when I miss China, I can look back on all of the moments we had, because we had so many. And then I can look towards the future with faith and hope, remembering that if Heavenly Father was with me in the past, surely He is with me now, and He will be for the rest of my life.

“Collect momens, not things”. It’s the best way to live.