I'm Going to China Everybody.

Hi! Okay so I have a few disclaimers:

1. I have never written a blog, so I have no idea what I’m doing.

2. Part of the reason I have never written a blog is because I know I would feel unnecessary pressure to write frequently. BUT, I decided I’m going to write one anyways, and I make absolutely zero guarantees that I will ever write again.

3. Many of the things I will write about are personal, but I feel like I should do this.

4. I believe in God, a loving Heavenly Father who guides my life and who gave His Son, Jesus Christ, so I can be a better person than I am on my own. I will refer to my relationship with Them often because They mean everything to me. They ARE everything to me.

5. I struggle with mental illness. I do not post about it on social media very often because I believe it is widely misunderstood and impossible to explain to even the kindest of people who have never experienced it, not to mention the people who still think it’s fake. However, mental illness is part of my life and it would be impossible to write about my experiences without referring to it. So, if you do not like the fact that people have depression, then you probably shouldn’t read this :)

Alright I think that about covers it. Let’s move on to how I decided to spend a semester in China teaching English to elementary aged kids.

Living in Provo as a young single adult is great but also hard. You are surrounded by wonderful people who all want the same things out of life and who are trying to achieve the same goals. It’s great. But sometimes you also feel lost in the crowd. People finish the semester with higher grades than you, take more credits than you, graduate sooner, have better jobs, get married and have a family, and just achieve more than you. And because of that, a lot of times you just feel pretty average and lonely. At the end of the semester in April I was feeling those things deeply.

I also thought I had a great internship lined up that would go into the school year. I was excited for the experience it would give me in my field of study and for the opportunity I would have to serve the people I would work with. Unfortunately, it didn’t end up working out.

My cousin Adam simultaneously had a great summer job lined up. Through a series of events, things also didn’t work out for him liked he planned.

My family currently lives in Guadalajara, Mexico, and all year Adam and I talked about visiting them together. When our summer plans didn’t go the way we had originally planned, we bought plane tickets to Guadalajara on a whim and three days later we were on our way. While there, he and I decided to go to Puerto Vallarta for a few days on our own. In PV I discovered what people meant when they said they loved to travel. We talked to the locals, rode the jankity busses around the city, and ate amazing food. We did what we wanted, when we wanted. And for the first time in a long time, I didn’t feel the emptiness that comes from loneliness. I didn’t feel lost in a crowd of amazing people. I felt happy being who I was. And just like that, I caught the travel bug.

On our way back to Provo we started planning other fun trips we could do together. For the first time ever I let myself dream about exploring the world, and the thought about doing so brought me so much joy. I tried not to think practically like I am prone to do (money, schooling, scheduling, etc.). I just let myself dream.

Upon my return home my roommate (and also my BFF) Laura said “Hey Syd, come with me to this info session for ILP!” (ILP is the International Language Program, read more about them here: www.ilp.org). I had heard about them before, but never seriously considered doing it because of school, money, etc., all of the things I wish we didn’t have to worry about but we do.

At the info session I kept my mind open. I listened to the experiences the ILP representatives were sharing, the logistics of the program, and I thought to myself “I could do this. I could go this fall”. ILP has several countries where you can volunteer to teach English, but I immediately wanted to go to China.

I went home and prayed about it for a while. I didn’t want to get ahead of myself, so I decided to sleep on it and then go to the temple the next day. I called my mom in the morning and told her that I was thinking about going to China for the fall semester, and her first words were “Oh Sydney you have to go! You have to go”. With her support, I went to the temple, still trying to pace myself and think practically but also dream a little. As I entered the doors of that holy place the Spirit filled my heart. I felt like Heavenly Father was saying to me “I want you to do what YOU want to do. I trust you, I love you, and I want you to be happy. If this will make you happy, I want you to do it.” It was one of the most beautiful moments I have ever shared with my Father in Heaven.

So I signed up. I went through the process ILP has, learned everything I possibly could about the program, went to a live training, completed more online training, worked two jobs, cancelled my classes for the fall, sold my housing contract, rented out a storage unit, bought all of my supplies, and now here I am, preparing to leave in three days.

I believe Heavenly Father completely prepared me for this adventure. If the internship I wanted had worked out, I wouldn’t have gone to Mexico, I wouldn’t have experienced real travel, and I wouldn’t have dreamt about exploring the world. I also would have felt bad leaving the internship at the end of the summer, and probably wouldn’t have (because I’m practical like that).

In the grand scheme of life, what is four months? Who cares that I’m 22 and still have 2 years of my undergraduate degree and a few more for my master’s degree? Who cares that I won’t be making any money for four months and will come home broke?

Who. Cares.

When we’re 85 years old we’re all going to have wrinkly skin, grey hair, crazy health problems, and a ton of grandkids. A few months or even years won’t matter. I’m going to be working and taking care of a family for my whole life. If I don’t get to that point as soon as all of the people around me do, what difference does it make? The difference will be that I spent four months of my life leaving everything I know, to go to a place I’ve never been, with people I’ve never met, doing something I’ve never done. The difference will be that I grew in ways I didn’t know possible, see things I didn’t know existed, and experience a joy and a healing I don’t think I’ll find anywhere else. The difference will be that I will be a happier me.

And that’s what we all want anyways :)