I have spent some time over the last month thinking about
the concept of being broken: having a broken mind, a broken heart, and a broken
body. Throughout my short life I have experienced all of these, and I imagine
my experience with them will not end anytime soon.
My broken body came pretty early in my life. I found so much
comfort in Alma 40:23, “The soul shall be restored to the body, and the body to
the soul; yea, and every limb and joint shall be restored to its body; yea,
even a hair of the head shall not be lost; but all things shall be restored to
their proper and perfect frame.” I learned that one day, because of the
resurrection of Jesus Christ, my body would be whole. With a restored body, all
of the things I lost the ability to do because of having a broken body would be
restored to me too.
A broken heart came a few years later (and has happened
several times since). During these times I learned to appreciate the scripture
in 3 Nephi 9:20, “And ye shall offer for a sacrifice unto me a broken heart and
a contrite spirit. And whoso cometh unto me with a broken heart and a contrite
spirit, him will I baptize with fire and with the Holy Ghost.” The reward for
giving my broken heart (and my will) to God was the companionship of the Holy
Ghost, a member of the Godhead, a best friend who would guide me and stay with
me if I wanted him to.
More time passes. I was a missionary during the October 2013
General Conference. I didn’t realize how much God was preparing me during this
conference for what lie ahead until later.
A section from Elder Randy D. Funk’s talk stood out to me so
strongly. He said “Think of the good that comes from broken things: Soil is
broken to plant wheat. Wheat is broken to make bread. Bread is broken to become
the emblems of the sacrament. When one who is repentant partakes of the sacrament
with a broken heart and a contrite spirit, he or she becomes whole.”
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland spoke during this same general
conference about depression. The line that stood out to me the most was this, “Broken
minds can be healed just the way broken bones and broken hearts are healed. While
God is at work making those repairs, the rest of us can help by being merciful,
nonjudgmental, and kind.”
Just a few months after this general conference, after years
of silent suffering, I was diagnosed with mental illness. I finally recognized I also had a broken mind.
I already wrote a blog post about this experience, so I am
not going to go into detail. But I just want to point out, that having a broken
mind seemed anything but good. However, over and over and over again, Elder
Funk’s words entered my mind “Think of the good that comes from broken things.”
It has been several years since that day, and I have a mind
that functions pretty well now. It’s not completely whole and I don’t think it
ever will be in this life, but through this experience and many others, I have
come to see so much of the good that comes from every broken piece of me.
I am grateful for a broken body that caused me to seek the
Lord early and rely on Him in all things.
I am grateful for an open heart that loves deeply enough to be broken.
And I am grateful for a broken mind that allows me to have
mercy and empathy towards others, because I know what it’s like to feel
misunderstood.
The Savior knows what it’s like to be broken. Being broken
leads us to seek Him out, rely on Him and His love, and feel a little of what
He felt. I believe that every time we feel what He did, we become a little more
like Him.
If becoming like Christ is the thing I want the most in this
life, and having a broken body, mind, and heart gives me that, I will take them
any day.
